


If you smile, it will be okay

by roseyeva



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Bam and the rest are mentioned here and there, I"m sorry, M/M, Minor Park Jinyoung | Jr./Jackson Wang, anxious jackson, but not actually, depressed jackson, jinson, markson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 06:10:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12451215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseyeva/pseuds/roseyeva
Summary: When had it happened? It's been so long I don't even remember anymore. So much has happened, I've changed so much. It never stopped hurting though. But it's okay, I just need to keep smiling





	If you smile, it will be okay

When had it happened? It's been so long I don't even remember anymore. So much has happened, I've changed so much. It never stopped hurting though. But it's okay, I just need to keep smiling

If anyone ever asked Jackson Wang when it started he would deny it ever starting. Being weak to others wasn't something he liked to do. So even though deep down in his heart he knew exactly when it started he wouldn't admit it, cause he was fine, he had to be. That being said, it doesn't mean that it stopped it from hurting any less. 

Jackson was always conscious about his outgoing personality. He hated feeling like he was always being judged for being himself, and as a child it was extremely hard to coupe, but he isn't a child anymore. You have to face facts one day and just man up. But it was okay, he had them, all of them. Got7 was his family away from family. He never felt judged with them, just like how he never felt judged around his real family. So he acted out, was weird, wasn't closed off, but that changed. 

Jackson was close to all the members in different ways, but no one could deny though that he was closest to Mark. Mark was his best friend, of course he would be the closest with him. But it is constantly said, those who are closest to you always hurt you the most. 

One day Jackson would joke around and be crazy and instead of getting a laugh he saw Mark just roll his eyes irritated. But he shrugged it off. Everyone has those days right?  
The accepting Mark he used to have disappeared that day and never came back. And the days of Jackson hiding in the bathroom choking back sobs of anxiety started once again. He thought he was okay, he thought he got over all the self hate, he really thought he had, but it looked like he was just able to suppress it because of his friends. But it resurfaced stronger than ever. 

But the worse anxiety attack he has ever gotten was the night when Mark yelled at him. He didn't know what to do with himself. His hands just wouldn't stop shaking. His whole being wouldn't stop shaking. 

Things along the line of 'Jackson would you just f***ing calm down for a minute I swear! I'm already constantly with you and your darn personality please just let me have a break dude.' And from that day forward Mark became seemingly more and more distant.

He took the things to heart, but tried not to let anyone know. All he did was smile and apologize to Mark about being annoying before making his way to his room to go to sleep. Sleep away the pain.

Things didn't get better after that day, if anything Jackson became more and more broken. Mark had a good skill of being able to avoid Jackson at all costs. Those sad moments when Jackson would join a conversation and Mark somehow always had some kind of excuse to join a different one. Or at the dorm when all of them were already running late and in these moments people would just double up in the shower to get in and out faster, but Mark would refuse to having anything to do with sharing a shower with Jackson. But the worse was when Mark would take away the others from him too. If he hung out Yugyeom, Mark would be able to come and drag him somewhere else to be with him. Or when he would use Bambam as a head rest but Mark would insist that what he needed him for was more important. 

But there was something worse then all of these. 

He didn't blame Mark, he blamed himself. Cause all he can think about in those situations, he should be trying harder, if he was better this wouldn't be a problem, and you don't deserve the friendship anyways Jackson. 

It never stopped him though. Because Jackson Wang doesn't give up! He still tries to talk and act friendly with Mark, especially when they're around fans. At the end of the day he didn't need Mark, or all of Got7, he had his fans. They cared him whatever he did, so he had to be strong for them, since they were strong for him. He always told himself that he was going to become a better person for them, the loving and dedicated people that loved him for him and all of his weirdness. 

He was determined to pull himself together. Who cared about what Mark did or thought. 

There was a change that day, a noticeable one. Jackson became more quiet. His always outgoing and embarrassing personality drastically changed. Not that the members minded too much. It really did make their jobs easier. 

Not trying to say that the members didn't care for Jackson. They adored him. Bambam and Youngae had felt terrible seeing Jackson change more and more because they had noticed too late. They would always beat themselves up for it too. Because the moment Jackson became quiet was the moment Jackson also became closed off. If anyone ever tried to ask if something was wrong or anything happened he would always slap on a smile (Sometimes fake, sometimes not) and tell them that he was perfectly fine and that he had everything under control. But that's all they could do, he wouldn't budge. 

Mark took notice of Jackson's change, who couldn't? He honestly didn't know how to feel about it, but what he did feel was horrible guilt. 

Whenever they would go on any variety show Jackson kept more quiet and tried to be more in the background letting the quieter members have the spotlight. 

And then Jackson's next drastic changed happened. His confidence. 

He had a revelation one night after silently crying in the shower. If he wanted his members attention then he would have to fight for it. Jackson always felt like he wouldn't be able to fight against Mark in this weird game they were playing. He realized that he can't just give up on being close to them. Maybe it would be different than before, but closeish friendship is better than forced friendship. Whether the other members felt that way or it was just Jackson didn't really matter. 

Now the skinship levels skyrocketed. He clinged to the members more and more, sometimes more than comfortable but honestly they didn't really care. He was trying to be close to them again and they would not make the same mistake again. 

His favorite to cling onto was Jinyoung. You could tell that it got on his nerves to a point, but there was something in his warming eyes and sincere smile that always showed Jackson that he wasn't really upset at him. 

And then one day Jinyoung finally got the courage to ask Jackson the difficult questions.

"Jackson?" "Yea hyung?" "What happened?"

"Don't worry hyung, I'm okay. I swear." And then he ran out of the room. 

But one day there was a perfect opportunity. Jackson and him were home alone, neither of them had a schedule. Jinyoung was not going to let this slip through his fingers. 

When Jackson came to get some water from the fridge he approached him. Jackson's head snapped up seeing Jinyoung stalking toward and he took awkward steps backward hoping to get out of whatever situation that was to come. 

Jinyoung's eyes were dark and Jackson was too focused on him to realize he was backed against a wall. As Jinyoung made it to him two arms slammed themselves next to his head. His body just slightly flinched and just like that Jackson was trapped. 

"You will tell me what happened,"

"Hyung I don't kno-" "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Dammit Jackson Wang for one freaking time would you open up to me. I'm hear for you, so please just let me help me, so tell me honestly, what really happened back then?"

Jackson let out a long drawn out sigh before talking, "It technically goes back to childhood if you want to be really technical. But that's going to take a lot of time."

"Well than that's perfect, cause I've got all the time in the worlds."

"I was bullied growing up. Nothing too unusual, but it was always about things that were just me. My obnoxious personality, my face, heritage, just me. Me, Jackson Wang. Things that I can't change cause they are me," 

Jackson's head rested backward on the wall, "I grew up with terrible anxiety and self-hate. As I got older I just realized how the world sucked more and more and my anxiety never really went away. Once Got7 happened I didn't need to worry anymore though. I had a group of friends that cared for me, the real Jackson Wang. Mark was my biggest support, never thought anything could separate us ya know? Guess I was wrong,"

Jinyoung lowered his arms.

"So this was because of Mark. Dang me and Jaebum should've acted sooner. We saw something was wrong, but we just assumed you guys would patch it up like you always do, but we were wrong. By the time we realized that it was too late. I'm sorry Jackson."

Jackson shook his head.

"This isn't your fault hyung. I don't really blame any of the boys. I became stronger after what happened. I finally became someone I am proud of and happy to display."

Jinyoung massaged Jackson's shoulder lovingly.

"I'm happy to hear that. When you say that, does that mean you don't blame Mark either?" "Nope" "And why is that?"

There was a long pause where they just stared into each others eyes. Pain could be seen zooming through Jackson's eyes and it was difficult for him to get the words out. 

 

 

 

 

"It's because I love him"


End file.
